Some behavior in your child will seem "good" to you. Other behavior will seem unequivocally "bad". Notice both in your children without being overly impressed by one nor overly dismayed by the other. In doing so, you will be imitating the Tao which sees our behavior as a mask and sees immediately beneath it to the good within our hearts. Above all, do not attack your child's behavior and attempt to change it by endlessly talking or scolding. Stay at your center and look beneath the behavior to the heart of the child. There you will find only good. When you see the heart, you will know what to do.
Authors Note: Of course some behavior is dangerous to the child and to others. Express your concern with the behavior. Do not attack the child. Consider now a particular behavior that concern you. Meditate carefully and see through to the heart of your child. What does it tell you?
Katie's Interpretation: Because our children dont have the communication skills we have, it is up to the adults, the parents, to effectively see beyond the frustration, to the core of the person. Understanding where this frustration (bad behavior) comes from, can lead your to a solution. Feelings are always acceptable, feelings dont have to be disagreed upon and letting your child know that you get his message, doesn't mean that you approve, it just means that you understand what he is trying to communicate. Once you can accept his feelings and allow him the respect to feel those feeling, can you come to see whats best, at that point, to do.
In an attempt to find peace and wisdom in parenting, I am typing up a chapter each week of the Parents Tao Te Ching. My goal is to interpret the 81 philosophical chapters in order to fully realize its message and the advice given by the author. Feel free to leave your interpretation of a message that particularly strikes you.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Monday, May 7, 2012
Infinite Possibilities
You do not know the true origin of your children. You call them yours but they belong to a greater mystery. You do not know the name of this mystery, but it is the true mother and father of your children. At birth your children are filled with possibilities. It is not your job to limit these possibilities. Do not say "This and That are possible for you, these other things are not." They will discover on their own what is and is not possible. It is your job to help them stay open to the marvelous mysteries of life.
Authors Notes: It may be interesting to ask, "What limitations have I, unthinking, taken upon myself?" It is very difficult for your child's horizons to be greater than your own. Do something today that pushes against your own preconceptions. Then take your child's hand and gently encourage her to do the same.
Katie's Interpretation: I would figure as a parent it must be difficult to watch your child walk a difficult life, but I also know that each sole has to walk its own path. I believe that each sole understands its sets of difficulties and achievements before it reaches our world. And to interrupt the learning experience is to stunt its spiritual growth. I have to work on not giving advice when not asked. I tend to go off on rants, albeit my intentions are from the heart, it tends to be unsolicited. I try to remind myself that my son is Gods child and that I am here as his earthly guide. Sometimes I sit and try to think of all the weird things he may become, or want to study, or be interested in, so that nothing comes as a shock. I want to be his best "supporting actress" .... and although this is much easier said than done, the process will be my own growing experience as a parent.
Authors Notes: It may be interesting to ask, "What limitations have I, unthinking, taken upon myself?" It is very difficult for your child's horizons to be greater than your own. Do something today that pushes against your own preconceptions. Then take your child's hand and gently encourage her to do the same.
Katie's Interpretation: I would figure as a parent it must be difficult to watch your child walk a difficult life, but I also know that each sole has to walk its own path. I believe that each sole understands its sets of difficulties and achievements before it reaches our world. And to interrupt the learning experience is to stunt its spiritual growth. I have to work on not giving advice when not asked. I tend to go off on rants, albeit my intentions are from the heart, it tends to be unsolicited. I try to remind myself that my son is Gods child and that I am here as his earthly guide. Sometimes I sit and try to think of all the weird things he may become, or want to study, or be interested in, so that nothing comes as a shock. I want to be his best "supporting actress" .... and although this is much easier said than done, the process will be my own growing experience as a parent.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Happiness is Contagious
If you always compare your children's abilities to those of great athletes, entertainers and celebrities, they will lose their own power. If you urge them to acquire and achieve, they will learn to cheat and steal to meet your expectations. Encourage your childrens deepest joys, not their superficial desires. Praise their patience, not their ambitions. Do not value the distractions and diversions that masquerade as success. They will learn to hear their own voice instead of the noise of the crowd. If you teach them to achieve they will never be content. If you teach them contentment, they will naturally achieve everything.
Authors note: We all want our children to be happy. Somehow, some way today show them something that makes you happy, something you truly enjoy. Your own happiness is contagious. They learn the art from you.
Katie's Interpretation: Relax and let your kids be themselves.
Ambition, power, achievement, ownership, desires, success are all words easily associated with American culture. We constantly strive for more, more more. Although we feel as a nation, very grateful for our freedoms and the pursuit of them, are we a truly happy nation? Does it have to be one way or the other? This passage goes against what I've been taught and what my parents have been taught before me and so forth. Should we break the cycle? I would have to say yes. I think that this passage may be easily misconstrued, as if to say, "lets make life too easy for them, set the bar low" However, we are speaking of one of the most valuable commodities of this world, which is happiness. Self worth is directly linked to ones manifestation of inner power. There are no winners in the comparison war, whether comparing your child or comparing your relationship to another, cripples the foundations, which ultimately looses stability and crumbles. How can this be the way to happiness? Also, Expectations are often like building a brick wall around yourself. You inside, always disappointed and everyone else on the other side feeling unworthy. Give everyone a break, including yourself, and loosen up. By no way does this mean having low standards, on the contrary it quite the opposite. Having low expectations means you did not give yourself the authority to assume someone elses disposition. Having low standards is sort of a moral hazard, where one gives up or in because of their self esteem. To not assume someone else thoughts or intentions, clears you of the worry and disappointment that wreaks havoc within the mind and spirit. One gives to the spirit and the other steals from the spirit. Happiness, I believe is won brick by brick. It does not mean you have a sunny disposition because life has been easy and good to you, its because someone choose to take control of each situation in such a manner that would feed the soul. Which sometimes means making the harder decisions. Happiness, contentment is a practice. And I can only hope one day, my child will be told, like I have been told, you seem like a content person. Well, yes, yes I am because I do not compare myself or my child to others, and I try never to assume or expect others to do as I would. Each person has their own path to walk, as do I.
Authors note: We all want our children to be happy. Somehow, some way today show them something that makes you happy, something you truly enjoy. Your own happiness is contagious. They learn the art from you.
Katie's Interpretation: Relax and let your kids be themselves.
Ambition, power, achievement, ownership, desires, success are all words easily associated with American culture. We constantly strive for more, more more. Although we feel as a nation, very grateful for our freedoms and the pursuit of them, are we a truly happy nation? Does it have to be one way or the other? This passage goes against what I've been taught and what my parents have been taught before me and so forth. Should we break the cycle? I would have to say yes. I think that this passage may be easily misconstrued, as if to say, "lets make life too easy for them, set the bar low" However, we are speaking of one of the most valuable commodities of this world, which is happiness. Self worth is directly linked to ones manifestation of inner power. There are no winners in the comparison war, whether comparing your child or comparing your relationship to another, cripples the foundations, which ultimately looses stability and crumbles. How can this be the way to happiness? Also, Expectations are often like building a brick wall around yourself. You inside, always disappointed and everyone else on the other side feeling unworthy. Give everyone a break, including yourself, and loosen up. By no way does this mean having low standards, on the contrary it quite the opposite. Having low expectations means you did not give yourself the authority to assume someone elses disposition. Having low standards is sort of a moral hazard, where one gives up or in because of their self esteem. To not assume someone else thoughts or intentions, clears you of the worry and disappointment that wreaks havoc within the mind and spirit. One gives to the spirit and the other steals from the spirit. Happiness, I believe is won brick by brick. It does not mean you have a sunny disposition because life has been easy and good to you, its because someone choose to take control of each situation in such a manner that would feed the soul. Which sometimes means making the harder decisions. Happiness, contentment is a practice. And I can only hope one day, my child will be told, like I have been told, you seem like a content person. Well, yes, yes I am because I do not compare myself or my child to others, and I try never to assume or expect others to do as I would. Each person has their own path to walk, as do I.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Take Care With Labels
When you teach your children that certain things are good, they are likely to call all different things bad. If you teach them that certain things are beautiful, they may see other things as ugly. Call Difficult things "difficult" and easy things "easy" without avoiding one and seeking the other and your children will learn self confidence. Call results "results" without labeling one as success and another as failure and your children will learn freedom of fear. Call birth "birth" and death "death" without seeing one as good and the other as evil and your children will be at home with life.
Authors Note: Notice today how your children label things "This stinks" "thats stupid." Dont stop them, just notice and consider how they learned. Start today to teach a different lesson.
Katie's Interpretation: When labels are coupled with judgement, we plant a preconceived notion in our children's mind, which may begin the cycle of judgement and assumption. Its seems very natural to want to describe in full detail to our kids, our experiences but this may be interpreted in the childs mind very differently. If your child has found himself stuck in a rut, lead by example for the most effective behavior modification.
Authors Note: Notice today how your children label things "This stinks" "thats stupid." Dont stop them, just notice and consider how they learned. Start today to teach a different lesson.
Katie's Interpretation: When labels are coupled with judgement, we plant a preconceived notion in our children's mind, which may begin the cycle of judgement and assumption. Its seems very natural to want to describe in full detail to our kids, our experiences but this may be interpreted in the childs mind very differently. If your child has found himself stuck in a rut, lead by example for the most effective behavior modification.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Words of Life
You can speak to your children of life, but your words are not life itself. You can show them what you see, but your showing and their seeing are forever different things.You cannot speak to them of divinity itself, but you can share with them the millions of manifestations of this reality arrayed before them every moment. Since these manifestation have their own origin in the Tao, the visible will reveal the invisible to them. Don't mistake your desire to talk for their readiness to listen. Far more important are the wordless truths they learn from you. If you take delight in the ordinary wonders of life, they will feel the depth of your pleasure and learn to experience joy. If you walk with them in the darkness of life's mysteries you will open the gate to understanding.
They will learn to see in the darkness and not be afraid.
Authors Note: Go for a slow and mindful walk. Show them every little thing that catches your eye. Notice every little thing that catches theirs. Dont look for lessons or seek to teach great things, just notice. The lesson will teach itself.
Katie's Interpretation- Words of Life: Sometimes saying nothing speaks louder than words. Dont drown out the kids with all your worldly knowledge on a topic, you may be pushing them away from the enjoyment. Simply relish in something with them, and let the moment speak for itself, which can lead to their own enlightenment.
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